30 October 2006

I was never comfortable with saying that I was a musician. In circles of musicians, I was fine. And I thrived. But when it came to speaking with the academically inclined, I felt inadequate. That inadequacy turned into my thinking that musicians were inadequate, and, in the matter of one week, I decided to drop out of my music programme and join the other team.

Luckily for me, I kept my contacts. I stayed in touch with a large number of excellent performers, many of whom are now traveling the world, making their way in rock bands or on Canada Council grants. My undergraduate education is now complete, and I cannot help thinking that I made a grave mistake. Not in my leaving music school, but in my adopting a contemptuous attitude toward musicians.

I apologise. But I could not help myself. The only way I could deal with my own insecurities with pursuing a career in the arts is to drop out altogether, and pontificate on the laziness of artists.

This is still no excuse. I made a mistake. I made a mistake. Please take me in again.