23 October 2006

People completely unlike me can be catalysts for change in my own life. I am unsure how this is possible. I do not aim to lead lives like theirs, but, nonetheless, I itch to be so much like them. (I am thinking of a particular co-worker here.)

Two possible explanations:

I have an unfettered dependence on idols. I have always had the need to look up to others. I need someone in authority to tell me that I am on the right track. Or the wrong track. I feel lost without them. I lose my trust in the network to which I belong.

I want to dissemble myself by cloaking as another. Sometimes we all need a trip away from who we are, or, at least, who we appear to be. Do not get me wrong: I am not unhappy. I simply need a break from that predictable manner in which pursue the same ends over and over again. And I do this by emulating another.

I'm sleeping in a submarine.