She says she only wears synthetic fabrics. She insists on playing her own music. She only listens to butt rock. Her voice is loud and offending. Her body is too long. Her humour is exhausted at sarcasm. She is aggressive. She interrupts. She is certain that her boyfriend -- a PhD candidate at UBC -- is going to get a professorship at one of Harvard, Oxford or Stanford. She talks to herself. She whines. She hums. She has a monstrous jaw.